Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Slow Down & Enjoy It - The Present!

At times we strive for so much, expect so much, do so much, in return for so much.  In the moments of moving and cultivating the life we envision, sometimes the pace of our motions cause us to miss some very significant happenings in the now...

We ask for things, but if life is passing us by at a speed beyond our pace, how could one notice or enjoy what we have asked for??? In this present time, I realized I have a lot of what I've asked for.  Yet, I somehow find a thing, a situation, a circumstance to draw complaints.

I am here.  I am now.  I am nothing beyond my present, though the past has played its part and the future is trying to find a way to make its mark.  I am here. I am now.  I am present.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Staying Put(t)

Staying Putt while staying put is disrupting the expansion of life.  I am meant to see the world.  Yet, I have made no substantial sacrificial plan to do so.  When you want something you go after it.  You do all you can to attain that thing some call a dream.  But occasionally, life gets in the way...

Well today, without more than a thought, I am configuring a plan.  I am mapping it out.  With the world in reachable distance, I will decide my next destination.  My next step in life.  The force that will guide my coming days and nights...

I dream a dream and it is GRAND!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Taking Care of Me

When I was a child, I had the luxury of Mommy saving me.  Mommy protecting me.  Mommy soothing me.  She was there no matter what.  And though Mommy's positioning hasn't changed, as an adult, I cannot responsibly collapse in her arms for every issue at hand. 

I appreciate the way I was raised.  Mom taught me to depend on no one, but her.  Mom taught me to be very self-sufficient.  Mom taught me to get on with life, gracefully.   I appreciate the woman who raised me.  It is with her backing that I feel so protected in this world, in which I live. 

But back to collapsing... Have you ever wanted to lie helplessly in another's arms and hear, "It's going to be alright."  In the midst of making a risky decision yesterday, that's all I wanted to hear!  No matter which way I went, what decision I made, which turn I took - I wanted to know it would be alright...  I guess being the responsible kid has crept into my adult life.  While I'll support others, the idea of relying on another for that sort of help just isn't in me.  

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I have no support, but what about the support needed to take some time away and figure things out?  Where's my partner?  Where's my backing?  How could one that continuously gives, experience such lacking?

While I don't feel sorry for myself, I do wonder how I got in this position where so much depends upon me... If I said forget it all, the suffering would extend beyond Puttie.  They say with great reward comes great responsibility.  I am thankful, yet sometimes I only want to consider ME.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Uncertainty Coupled with Possibility...

All in the same hour, I receive a letter of uncertainty, followed by a meeting with great possibility.  I am assuming God is up to something.  While I don't want to go out like a chump, I would like to know what's needed for me to move beyond this point.

I've tried.  I've applied.  I've done all I know how.  Feeling the direct effect of a universal issue is now seeping beneath the scar tissue.  Bridges are burning and through it all, I'm left with a feeling, yearning...

I know this is not the end of the road.  I also know that I'm not playing by the common code.  Today has been quite the day.  My temperament has been pleasantly blah.  I've come a long way, but now it feels like I have not made it far.

Uncertainty coupled with possibility...

Monday, September 26, 2011

On My Way, Today!

As you reexamine your life, one also reexamines the world around her.  Has it changed?  Have you changed?  Do you feel the need to shift?  Has the world shifted?  Did you grow?  Has your world grown?  There are tons of questions that pop up - each question being less of an inquiry and more of a feeling, an observation - you taking inventory of where you are, where you'd like to go and where you came from.

It is with these very questions that one opens her world, once again to evolve into something closer to the person you'd like to be, the life you'd like to have.  This is an opportunity for growth.  You've grown and now your head has hit the ceiling... There's no more room to expand within the same circumference.  It's time to welcome a new chapter of life.  New habits.  New behaviors.  New pastimes.  A new audience.

Being such an analytical person, I get caught up in the thought of many things.  I'd like to jump on the other side of the fence - abandoning a percentage of my thoughts, transforming ideas into action.  There are some things that need to change.  As I live out the last year of my 20s, I shall welcome 30 with comfort and delight, knowing I'm doing what it takes, giving my life it's brightest light.  I've wandered.  I've walked.  Now it's time to choose a destination, move in that direction and set the path to arrive at each place my heart has chosen. 

Discipline is needed.  Structured is warranted.  Willingness is necessary.  Sacrifice is mandatory.  Focus is everything!  I see the path before me.  Determination is a major part of who I am.  Decide where I want to go and stop at nothing to get there.  I am on my way...!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Happy Birthday to My Bestie

My best friend, my chosen family! I am wishing you a Birthday of bliss, a day of love, a week of wonder, a month of certainty, a year of fulfillment and a lifetime filled with the joys (of life) you most certainly deserve.

Of lately, I know there have been some forks in the road, check points you didn’t foresee... But know that God guides you with light to overcome the darkest of moments. Yes, your heart may have been tied in an undeserving place, but it is in those moments of great emotion and compassion, that we remember what it's like to feel again. All mountain tops have valleys and this is God’s genius reminder that we can/must climb again. You only feel the good because God wants you to believe in the great (to come). A broken heart heals and restores an even stronger muscle. That muscle is needed to strengthen you for the upcoming journey. Today is (undeniably) the first day of the rest of your life!

If I’ve learned nothing else from you, I’ve learned this – always reread whatever you send to this friend. LOL I love you dearly. You are one of the strongest women I know. The comments about you reminding me of my mom are a reflection of how I see you as a friend. Your loyalty is a characteristic I love and respect. In the midst of any and everything, you always have my back. And though I ask the Lord for all sorts of things… His Godsend is my best friends. I LOVE YOU!!! May your 31st year of life be all that you’ve hoped for, all that I’ve prayed for and more! Happy Birthday Best Friend <3

The Truth of Youth

Is it safe to say that greatness is not only an innate ability, but the possibility that this being has had a number of impactful experiences, nourishing their progression along the way?  I think this accusation is quite credible!

Let's take a look at the child who appears to "catch on" a bit earlier than the rest.  This child receives attention, reinforcement and the best of the best to maximize his/her potential.  But what about the kid that's just ordinary... Does this kid get any special attention in areas of weakness or interest?  The answer to this question is NO.  And this is where the stories of success, the lives of the extraordinary, the images of heroes and heroines are misunderstood.

While I will not take anything away from any being, as far as talent is concerned, I do believe that the back story has been overlooked.  The grooming process of the star, the genius, the overachiever, the scholar, the star athlete - is one that's incomparable to their ordinary peers.  So what exactly sets them apart?  Or, are they like each and every one of us, but the small gestures early-on has made a big difference later-on? 

I am currently reading Outliers and the competitive advantages given are quite shocking.  I never looked at it this way, but there is something to be said about the stages of our lives and how impactful the experiences of yesterday, are today. 

There's great power in possibility!  Don't give up on anyone.  With the proper attention, something special can be revealed in each and every one of us.  The grooming of youth becomes your truth.  Help those behind you reach their highest potential, from the very beginning. 

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Dimming Your Rise, Hardens Your Fall

I remember mornings where I rose with excitement.  While joy still lives in my heart, the idea of getting through the day sometimes exceeds it's 15 minute emotional stay.  They say emotions pass after 15 minutes, but it is the constant thought that allows feelings to linger. 

In an effort to show my thanks, I'm guessing I've done quite the opposite.  Though I put my best foot forward in the work I produce, the timing is off... And I know the very thing that has disrupted the flow of life.

Now I'm reevaluating how long I'll rent space to these forever changing, forever passing, forever evolving emotions.  Why stay with one thought, when that thought has the power to dim your rise and harden your fall?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Highs & Lows

I often come down off highs, reaching my unthinkable low.  It goes from flashing lights to dark visions. It opens my heart, yet the disconnect once the dust settles is a bit disheartening... 

At what point in my life will I fully grow up and detach from the childish antics I've experienced over the course of my life.  When will the fights turn into feasts?  When will I fully relinquish what I've known, to explore what is awaiting me in the throws?

Friday, July 22, 2011

An Attitude of Solitude

I wonder what kind of person I am... Do I judge others?  Do I throw things in people's face?  Do I save what was done today, to bring up tomorrow? 

I feel like I'm a reasonable ear, yet there are few willing to listen.  The mention of anything is a complaint.  The discussion of other topics is an obsession.  I have problems, so I'm told... BUT don't we all! 

I don't think I've felt more alone in my life.  To end such a feeling, I vow to be my own best friend.  I vow to take it easy on myself.  I vow to work on the things that do not work.  I don't need to make a public service announcement.  I will act and execute, silently.

All of a sudden, today, my life has changed.  A sweet quiet life - that's what I now prefer, at least for this period in my life.  I feel like I'm going through a rough patch and while there are many I've lent a shoulder, I feel like I can barely get the stretch of a hand. 

This isn't a pity party.  Life goes on. Currently, moving along, a lot differently! 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Live Life, Purposefully!

It'd be a lie to say I had it altogether.  As if my life is exactly how I imagined.  It'd be a lie to say I am not blessed beyond measure.  As if my life hasn't been full of pleasantries and treasure.  I am thankful for the life that I have and the desire, will and determination to discover this purpose that's bigger than thy self.

As I turn back the covers and cozy into tonight's assignment, I can't deny the new sense of hope that has come over me.  There is a person, there are people who believe in me.  There are people that see greatness. There are people willing to lend a helping hand to get me where I need to go.  Yet, in the midst of the highs, indeed I hit a major low today.

As the morning doesn't have power to dictate the night, I will sign off from consciousness with the notion that I'm tapping into something bigger than me.  It's the me that I often don't physically see.  Tonight I'm willing to open my eyes and ignite my heart.  If one feels lost, go back to basics and get a new start. 

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I want to spend it with you.  You being ME!  Welcome the person I was designed to be.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

You Are Your Feelings

When we feel alone, we are alone.  I never knew the power of thoughts like I do on this very day.  Nothing about my life has changed, other than my desire to act in love.  That love has ignited fires in the hearts of those around me and today I've experienced an out pour of what I've allowed to seep into the atmosphere. 

From Facebook messages to tweets, friends chose today to share their love and affection.  While we often know this love exists, to actually feel it internally, you're opening up to a world of possibilities.  The moments wasted on the bad can be downsized to breathe life into the good. 

A single thought can change your day.  Open your heart and allow love to stay.  You are your feelings...!  

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Credentials Matter...!

Credentials matter!  But what if you didn't attend the best school?  What if you don't work for the best company?  What if you don't have the best title?  What if you are the best, without the best credentials to match?

I ask these questions as I sit in an ongoing debate about what's next... What step should I take to further my career?  My life?  I'm currently visiting mediocrity.  Yet, the thought of not knowing exactly what to choose, has left me standing where I am today.

I have no desire to give up.  Yet I dream of giving up all I have to gain all I am.  New York City, the melting pot, now feels like the temps are boiling at an all time high and I'm stuck to the side of the cookware.  I'm in and out of the mix.  I'm here with prayers of being far away.  I'm near, but far.  I'm driving without direction, nor a car.

Something new, please come true.  I cannot imagine feeling what I feel beyond this year. A new space, expanded life and a promising career.  God if this were my only way of communication, would you please accept this as my prayer?  Talk to me!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

One Love. One Life. You Won't Get it Twice!

At some point we must all take credit for where we are and why we are.  It is no longer OK to just say, well this is the way I am or these are the circumstances because of X, Y, Z.  I say this as I sit in the chair that has held my weight for 3+ years...

Clearly, I've overstayed my welcome.  I've worn out my guest pass.  I've gone too far and have fallen too short.  Happiness has fled.  I'm living, yet I'm dead...

So what do you do when enough is enough?  Is there a dollar amount that should keep you where you are, even if you know you've gone too far?  Should you succumb to egotistical and societal demands? 

I say get up and get out.  Start something new.  Do what you want to do!  The time is now, even if you're unsure how.  Get out and get a hold on your life - there's only one to live! 

Friday, June 17, 2011

Love More, Care Less

I think I read the most helpful article on my way in this morning.  Though the title of the article has escaped my mind, the content lingers and it's message rings true - to love more, care less.  This is something I think many people will benefit from following, yet caring is how humans are taught to express and/or reveal the depth of their love. 

From my understanding, I thought caring was an element of love, but truth is - the more you care, the less you are able to love.  Ideally, one isn't going in with such intentions, however that does very little to confirm the reality of it all.  Relationships with family, close friends and mates, typically exist on the foundation of unconditional love.  The constant care, expectations of a certain outcome and the desire to change a person, inherently changes the way you love.  Unconditional becomes conditional.

So I say to you, if you can love more and care less, is it worth caring more and loving less?  We all have concerns of others, especially the ones we love, but the burden that caring plays on both parties can sometimes cause more harm than help.

Today is the first day I'll exercise my human right to preserve my sanity - I care less, I love more!  Thanks O, The Oprah Magazine, for an insightful write-up.  With you, I'm simply one read away from shifting my thinking, broadening my knowledge and expanding my thoughts. 

Loving You More...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Smile Upon Today

Involved in everything going on, within my circumference. A surprising shake grabs hold of my attention, causing me to go beyond my circle to gain balance.  In this shift, I look up and catch the eye of a fellow New Yorker.  Perhaps this person wasn't born and bred, yet the years of living this city life has changed his face. 

Mean muggin'.  Yes, that's what some call it.  Expressions of anger, unhappiness plastered not only on this gentleman's face, but on this woman's face, the person next to her and the elderly woman next to him.  Why are we so mad?  The day has only progressed to the 8 o'clock hour, yet we have the worries of yesterday, the sorrows of tomorrow and the absence of today. 

The absence of today makes one decay.  If we turned our frowns upside-down, life may shine upon us.  Your next destination may not be your best destination, however this is what life calls for at the moment.  Take it. Accept it.  Embrace it.  Welcome it. 

Have a good day, today!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

At Morning Rise I Close My Eyes

Each weekday morning rise feels like a slow death.  Yet, I peel back the covers and conjure up just enough strength to tap dance on the hardwood floors.  Sitting on the edge, of what sometimes feels like a ledge, I debate aborting the mission to crawl back into bed.

Acknowledging my thoughts, feelings, emotions... I can't help but wonder, who am I?  This spirit is very unlike the one I've always known.  However, it's one that has been present for quite some time.  I used to sleep like an angel and rise like the sun.  Who am I, now?  I rarely get a good night's sleep and it's quite unusual to open my eyes and fully welcome the sunrise.  Is this what depression feels like?  Is this what a lack of fulfillment looks like?  Is this what being stuck feels like?  Is this what stress looks like?  

While I can't quite pinpoint the exact emotion, I do know that my daytime agenda lacks curiosity.  It lacks luminosity.  It lacks growth, for I have come to know all I can here... But what do you do when something new hasn't arrived, (just yet)?  If the money didn't support my basic needs, this moment (here) would for sure be my last.  Should I take a big risk?  Should I sacrifice needs for happiness?  I tend to be the person who allows trouble to find me.  Today I want to initiate the first day of the rest of my life. 

Energy-less days have caused me to portray this corporation as a bloodsucking establishment, draining the energy out of my everyday life.  Thoughts of Friday, post 5:30 are brewing at 7 a.m., Monday morning.

I love life!  Is it fair to my well-being to rush through it, if only for the sake of making it through the workday?  Am I robbing my soul for financial console?  Can I make due with a savings come true?  I have all these thoughts of what can be done, yet my independent mindset doesn't find comfort in needing anything from anyone.  They say the worse thought of a wealthy man is being poor, and in a sense I get that. 

So what do I do???  I think it's time to call Daddy.  While the government bails out billion dollar financial institutions, I ponder who's ever there to bail out the individual.  The individual that has always held her own... 

Who's here for me?  Especially in a time when this bloodsucking establishment is hindering one from being free.  It's time to leave and just be.  GOD please save ME!    

Saturday, March 5, 2011

It's Saturday!

To know the best wave of communication is that of written word, I pop my MacBook open and begin typing.  It's a Saturday evening and besides a store run, I've been indoors all day.  Of lately, I've been worried about making the most of my days... But today, today I am not concerned with the "what should I do" nor the "what I need to do."  Today, I'm enjoying the events of the day as they present themselves to me.

It's Saturday.  Enjoy beautiful world!!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Sometimes you want to walk into open arms. Sometimes you yearn to feel safe.  Sometimes there's a need to be protected.  Sometimes it's the idea of having your partner in crime.  Sometimes it's about security.  Sometimes you have an unconscious need to be fulfilled.  Sometimes... Sometimes you can get caught up in the emotions of now!

While the present hour isn't one to be ignored, it is the present emotions that one must not act upon in the heat of a moment.  Take a chance, sure.  But what's done today, you may have to pay for everyday.  Another visitor in the Clark Hotel.  A repeat guest for "sometime," but that time too passes...

See, I didn't get it before, but I understand it now.  It all makes sense!  That which is built on weak ground shall fall.  It's the logics of building.  And though great ideas can come in the form of "sometimes," it is a sure thing that goes on in an attempt to build something substantial.

I write this note, not to lecture, but to express the fleeting emotion of a woman; developed from the neediness to nurture.  That said, wisen up young girl!  The worlds are again shifting.  There's a level of consciousness that needs to be accepted and respected.  You don't deserve temporary assets with permanent risks!

Ok, signing off.  A full night of sleep is needed and I think it'll happen.  Here's to transformation!  Sleep well...


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Am Love

At my very best I am love!  Listening to Aaliyah on my ipod this a.m. really has me going... I've slid into a lighter mood.  The softness of her voice connected to the softness of my heart.  I feel fresh.  Taking in the brisk air and breathing every breath with focus, intention, a feeling of life being its best.

Truth is, I can have sunny days, everyday, IF I choose to.  I've come to realize that My happiness is indeed My choice.  And today I choose It!  My day is bright.  My future has limitless possibilities.  My life is full.  At my very best I am love and all aspects of my life shall embody just that.

May your day be blessed.  The Lord is very present.  HE is very consistent.  HE knows my heart and that is where My love starts. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The End, My Friend!

The moment I’m no longer excited about getting out of the bed in the a.m. , I think that proves itself to be the very end.  The end of whatever road I'm traveling.  The end to whatever song I'm singing.  The end of the love story being told… The end, as I know it best!

The End.