This Moment

That first blink, in the morning, when you’re barely opening your eyes… What is your first thought? What is your first feeling? Have you given thought to much of anything in that split second? Most adult thoughts go to the duties of the day… Mapping out, dreading, anticipating what’s to come. My first thought, I try to make it a tribute to God. The reality is, I didn’t have to wake up today. Since I did, mine as well thank The Man responsible, right?

In the midst of chaos, sometimes we forget the simple gifts that allow us to get to all the life consuming activities and adventures ahead. It is important, however, to show great gratitude for where you are, who you are and what you are today, in this very moment. For this moment is the ONLY true thing we have. The past has gone and now all we have are the perceived memories. The future hasn’t come, so all we have is the anticipation, anxiety, angst of what’s to come. The present moment is the only thing that’s here and now. It’s almost like being on your phone when you have company… You are not fully acknowledging what’s right in front of you at this very moment.

Be present. For it is a gift that only lasts for a moment.

My Life

30. While life seems to be coming together, in a major way it's falling apart. Oddly enough, I have my moments, but overall my spirit has remained untainted. I believe God has given me a few gifts - one of them being a pure heart. Pure as in a child-like resilience. He has also blessed me with a spirit that touches those who cross my path. I am happy for my gifts. I am happy for my flaws. But most of all, I am happy because together we can prevail through it all.

I know who I am. I know how I envision things to be. Let's make it happen and remember to be happy.

The 30 Worry

I just realized, I'm living in a bubble of panic. It all started with entering into my 30th year with so much that I'd asked for and now looking up, 2 months later, and some of those very things are gone. My relationship has come to an end - though I am 100% sure that this was the best thing for me, I felt a weight lifted for God's sake. The flip side, I'm back to square one... Meeting, liking, dating, getting to know and being oh-so confused! I guess with 30 comes the itch to meet my husband, so I know for sure I'll get to create the family I've always dreamt of. Kind of heartbreaking. This dream isn't worth being in an unfulfilling relationship, yet I'm on the other side of the fence in complete panic, seeing the beginning of any possibilities, as a storybook ending.

Next, I am finally out of the 9 - 5 mix and while I am much happier, I feel a need to create structure, indulge in hobbies, invest time into the things I am passionate about. I feel the pressure of making good use of this time and in turn, discovering what I'll do and where I'll go next. It is with great hope that I find what it is that God has in store for me. It knocks at my soul every day. Lord, how do you wish to use me? And once you decide upon that, use me till you can't use me up anymore.

And then there's the health thing. I feel like I have little control over the fate of my weight. Not because I lack the knowledge and ability to cultivate a lifestyle conducive to health and fitness, but there seems to be a deeper issue with myself and food. And about exercise, how do I ever get used to "just doing it?" See, with this 30th year over my head, things that matter have fluttered my brain. 

That said, today I will devise a plan, create some structure and work towards what I want in life - being a better person, connecting with God and keeping the faith. It's all about alignment and if I align myself properly with the things that make my life work, I will evolve into the best person I can be. God please use me!

Sit Up Through the Setback

A little over a week ago, I received devastating news... News that altered my plans. And while we're always told to think of a Plan B, beforehand, I feel as if I should rediscover my path and perhaps try something new.

It's bizarre (to me) how some have been doing what they love since birth and others are waddling to their 30th year and still trying to nab that job, get into that field, find their way into that company - and get going with life.

I believe in doing what you want to do, even if you're not paid to do it. TD Jakes said, "Acknowledge and pursue your passion(s) to find your purpose." I believe this to be true. I also believe that in time, we all discover what we're destined for. In the meantime, work hard, be smart, consistent and fully invested in whatever you do. With that comes a wave of enlightenment, opportunity and chance, soon evolving into you being right where you were meant to be all along. 

Slow Down & Enjoy It - The Present!

At times we strive for so much, expect so much, do so much, in return for so much.  In the moments of moving and cultivating the life we envision, sometimes the pace of our motions cause us to miss some very significant happenings in the now...

We ask for things, but if life is passing us by at a speed beyond our pace, how could one notice or enjoy what we have asked for??? In this present time, I realized I have a lot of what I've asked for.  Yet, I somehow find a thing, a situation, a circumstance to draw complaints.

I am here.  I am now.  I am nothing beyond my present, though the past has played its part and the future is trying to find a way to make its mark.  I am here. I am now.  I am present.

Staying Put(t)

Staying Putt while staying put is disrupting the expansion of life.  I am meant to see the world.  Yet, I have made no substantial sacrificial plan to do so.  When you want something you go after it.  You do all you can to attain that thing some call a dream.  But occasionally, life gets in the way...

Well today, without more than a thought, I am configuring a plan.  I am mapping it out.  With the world in reachable distance, I will decide my next destination.  My next step in life.  The force that will guide my coming days and nights...

I dream a dream and it is GRAND!

Taking Care of Me

When I was a child, I had the luxury of Mommy saving me.  Mommy protecting me.  Mommy soothing me.  She was there no matter what.  And though Mommy's positioning hasn't changed, as an adult, I cannot responsibly collapse in her arms for every issue at hand. 

I appreciate the way I was raised.  Mom taught me to depend on no one, but her.  Mom taught me to be very self-sufficient.  Mom taught me to get on with life, gracefully.   I appreciate the woman who raised me.  It is with her backing that I feel so protected in this world, in which I live. 

But back to collapsing... Have you ever wanted to lie helplessly in another's arms and hear, "It's going to be alright."  In the midst of making a risky decision yesterday, that's all I wanted to hear!  No matter which way I went, what decision I made, which turn I took - I wanted to know it would be alright...  I guess being the responsible kid has crept into my adult life.  While I'll support others, the idea of relying on another for that sort of help just isn't in me.  

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I have no support, but what about the support needed to take some time away and figure things out?  Where's my partner?  Where's my backing?  How could one that continuously gives, experience such lacking?

While I don't feel sorry for myself, I do wonder how I got in this position where so much depends upon me... If I said forget it all, the suffering would extend beyond Puttie.  They say with great reward comes great responsibility.  I am thankful, yet sometimes I only want to consider ME.