When I was a child, I had the luxury of Mommy saving me. Mommy protecting me. Mommy soothing me. She was there no matter what. And though Mommy's positioning hasn't changed, as an adult, I cannot responsibly collapse in her arms for every issue at hand.
I appreciate the way I was raised. Mom taught me to depend on no one, but her. Mom taught me to be very self-sufficient. Mom taught me to get on with life, gracefully. I appreciate the woman who raised me. It is with her backing that I feel so protected in this world, in which I live.
But back to collapsing... Have you ever wanted to lie helplessly in another's arms and hear, "It's going to be alright." In the midst of making a risky decision yesterday, that's all I wanted to hear! No matter which way I went, what decision I made, which turn I took - I wanted to know it would be alright... I guess being the responsible kid has crept into my adult life. While I'll support others, the idea of relying on another for that sort of help just isn't in me.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I have no support, but what about the support needed to take some time away and figure things out? Where's my partner? Where's my backing? How could one that continuously gives, experience such lacking?
While I don't feel sorry for myself, I do wonder how I got in this position where so much depends upon me... If I said forget it all, the suffering would extend beyond Puttie. They say with great reward comes great responsibility. I am thankful, yet sometimes I only want to consider ME.