Saturday, November 8, 2008

Amsterdam... Day 5

It arrives... I arise... With swollen eyes. Body not quite recouping from the 8 hour detox. Sleep just wasn't that thing needed to fully restore my being and my beauty! But as a dear friend once said, she has surrendered her body to pregnancy," I surrendered mine to smoke inhalation. Day 5 and I don't quite have a map of what the day will bring, but I cross the Marriott doors without expectation and knowing that the 1st stop SHOULD be The Internet Cafe/Coffee Shop.

As I peruse the streets of Amsterdam, I gravitate towards an amazing taste, familiar to the great taste experienced 2 nights before. Red Light District once again. Pampa, Argentinean restaurant once again. And as I envisioned, the 2nd time around was even better! Greeted by one I've seen b4 and looking for "the one" I'd like to see again... Mario is his name and he delivered an amazing course, with compliments and an email address to go along with it. Ahhh, don't U just ♡ amazing fare!

On to touristy things like Anne Frank's flat and frolicking about the beautiful city via foot. I manage to walk off some of the baggage acquired at Pampa and more shopping to my surprise. A great pair of green and black booties. And who declared me a sandal gal? Haha The day continues. Many sights, a few pics and lots of smoke. The thing I'll miss most... The FREEDOM of smoking! And while I do miss it b4 its gone, I look ahead to a time of cleansing, just so I can take another puff and pickup exactly where I left off. Amsterdam, I'll be back! This time 3 days is quite enough. I'll catch U on a long weekend. Smoke lovers... Pay AMS @ least one visit. You're bound to reach heights unseen. Til next trip, adios!

One more thing... No more s*x clubs! LOL

Amsterdam... Day 4

It's a new day! Up earlier than expected. Perhaps the beeps and flashing red lights did it! Well at least the red light is flashing from my berry this morning. It represented police sirens the nite b4. Ahhh... How I'd like to forget that happened. The scene lingers in my thoughts, emotions, in my outlook on Amsterdam.

At noon I'll rise to yet another brisk fall rainy day. Somehow in such little squares, my days have been excitingly full. Full of laughter, smoke and food. Hmmm... Is this what my life has become. "The life of a smoker." All activities are heightened from the effects of smoke. As a result, I enter the Coffee Shop yelling,"Shiva" please!

Ahhh... Today should be swell. I'd like to venture towards Paris. However, extensive train rides and high fares has subjected me to another day in AMS. Let's see what the day holds. Day 4 here I come. I'm not looking @ U the same, so AMS surprise Me with your greatness today. Ciao! And btw... I rose to the page of my BFFs, Nia & Chelly ♡.

Amsterdam... Day 3

Your time 8am, my time 2pm... And the day has just begun. Day 3 and conveniently operating on New York time. I ask, what will my Thursday bring? Last nite put a spin on mood, plans and outlook on the day to follow. My mind is clouded from smoke and the chain of events. 2 seconds ago, just 2 seconds ago my vision was different.

I'll clear my eyes, escape premeditated thoughts and get on with the day. 2pm and I type to the breeze of a rainy AMS day. I throw on my new boots and get out to see what today brings. Let's start it off with yummy hot chocolate and a meal to follow...

Amsterdam... Day 2

Late rise, early smoke. A day to shop and of course, a little smoke.

Rain and the essence of such a place can defeat even the worse of unfavored weather. As I tap the surface with my ballerina flats, I think of how a great pair of boots would have been a better option. Prayer answered! This happens to be the land of shoes and I just spotted my first purchase... A very nice pair of brown boots. Job well done Puttie :) and the nite continues!

Premium liquor finally!!! Yes, hotel bar it is.Then red light district late nite. Hmmm... I'll tell U how it goes from here...

As promised! The day has progressed and I'm in what U call the"hospital." Yet again. But this time... This time for a different cause.One may say its the repercussions of AMS, but I say it's one of the most frightening times of my life! They call it amnesia. I call it crack. Some smoke that trickled down a blood stream of drugs and caused a black out spell. From top to bottom in seconds. Eyes rolling in back of head. Man down! And I'm scared shit-less! What do I do? Where do I turn? I know the usual protocol is 911, but I don't know this emergency code. Didn't see it coming! Didn't expect it to happen! Now I sit... I wait... In a foreign room... In a foreign place... With foreign people... And wonder if my friend is alright... I'm scared shit-less!!! And all along, the same weed the brought us here, is lessening my fear!

Amsterdam... Day 1

Breakfast... Coffee Shop... It's all history from there!

The look of such a place has quite a humble essence. It's sort of like the, "my house is your home" feel... Though foreign, the look of this place is true to its natural being. The people however... Somewhat cold and distant. I have not found the words to sum up this community. But as I search... Within and throughout the town of AMS, I'll be sure to come up with a few to render the justice needed. Welcome to Amsterdam!!!

Happiness is a Choice...

Historic week passing... brighter days ahead!

As my gaze meets the sky, thoughts of limitless living cross my mind. A time in my life where I'm completely happy just "being." Many around me seem to be experiencing days, nights, weeks, months - even years of suffering. As I empathize with a few up close and many from a distance, I wonder why God has placed me in the center of all this heartache. Though, I am not questioning God, my human-like nature wonders how I've arrived here.

So I begin to ponder... Brain digging deeper. Heart pounding lightly. I'm listening closely. And though the message isn't yet clear, I've arrived at the focal point. I've arrived at a place of understanding. You see, in life I believe we have choices... Some choose to live in happiness, some choose to live in peace. Others choose to live in sadness and many choose to live in anger. I'm no judge, but all of a sudden I get why I'm in the middle. Not quite sure why you're surrounding me. But the choice I made to BE HAPPY has become my reality.

No life isn't exactly how I envisioned it at the age of 10. But somehow, right now, I am well. Oh now I get it... God has placed the yous' around me, in an effort to show how grateful I should be. Sometimes my pride interferes with my grace and glory isn't given to HE who deserves. Well, as of today, I will work harder to acknowledge my blessings and to share those blessings with others.

I would like you to know, happiness is a choice! Given anything you want in this world, without innate appreciation, acceptance and joy, you'll arrive at this very place. One of the guiding truths of life - We are all the causes of our own effects. Happiness is a choice! Be sure to choose wisely...

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Complications with Life Itself

As I shut my eyes, my face slowly touched the pillow. In the matter of seconds, I began to feel other parts of my body shutting down… Breathing is no longer second nature. I realize my breath has been compromised. Clogged pipes are not allowing breaths of fresh air to flow freely. On a quest for fresh air, I take shorter breaths and adjust my bodily position. To no avail, complications persist. I pray, I panic, I sob, on a quest for a good nights’ rest.

A wonderful day unfolded into an amazing evening and now the amazing evening transpires into a late night… a night where my health is in question. My mind races to figure out what can be done to shake this cough. All in the name of rest! Yes, I want to live a healthy life. BUT what’s health without rest I ask?

Well to my dismay, “Sleep is the cousin of death.” Tonight this rang so true. Though I don’t feel as if God wants this life to come to an end, my congested chest has made every second a struggle. Myyyy, how I took breathing fore granted. The simplest form of being has become the most challenging fight for survival. As I inhale, I pray for the day, the second, the moment when my chest opens and the breath of life enters in its purest form.

Save me! I would love to breathe again….

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Remember those thoughts of last week? Remember those thoughts becoming things??? Well, the thought of today, as of last night, was a thought of a good day. Again, "thoughts become things." Today has proven itself already. A good day has begun!

As I recline in the seat I claim for the next 8.5 hours, I get cozy with the idea of being here for the better part of the day. While that literally confines me to a box, a box the size of a cubicle, my energy pushes past my reality. I think of today as a day of exploration. A day to see what else is out there for me. I begin with thoughts of finishing some writing assignments from Spring semester's "Writing for Magazines" class. I then float to my next great read. And then i resort to providing for others what I love for self...

Have U thought about viewing, analyzing, browsing, reading my words on paper? If it's a thought and you and I know thoughts become things, hmmmm.... this may be reality. Today is a beautiful day. Good vibes, good energy, good suiting, good karma, good food, good sunshine, good weather, good commute, good friends. Something GREAT will become of the all the good combined. Ok ok, I'm babbling. Just throwing words in this given frame. I'm done (for now), but I shall return...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Seen but not often heard...

Seen but not often heard... I arise this morning with many thoughts. Thoughts of last nites' thoughts. Simple yet complex thoughts... Thoughts of sleeping later than usual. Thoughts of a nonobligatory day. Thoughts... Thoughts of what to wear. Thoughts of the September-like temps in the month of August.

As they say, thoughts become things! And with so much on the brain, I somehow encountered a woman... A woman refusing to silence her thoughts. With more thoughts brewing, I began to wonder what made this woman crazy. The thoughts to follow intensified. The loud outburst from the seat across interrupted my reading. And of course, losing focus on the words jumping from the page created more thoughts. As I analyzed and wondered about the shouts echoing throughout the train car, I take a different stance on how I viewed this thought provoking woman. Perhaps I had no reason to think she was insane. If I decided to use my outside voice to project inner thoughts, I'd probably be viewed as crazy myself. But you know the craziest thought of it all... with my thoughtful voice silenced... this woman is probably more sane than "I." During the 20 minute train ride, she's managed to get all her inner thoughts off her brain and into the universe.

Thoughts become things... and with the release of inner thoughts, sanity is awarded, approved, granted! WOW.. that woman probably feels as if the world was lifted off her shoulders. And here I am, judging her level of sanity. As I exit the car, there are a million and one thoughts brewing... Thoughts that I'll have to deal with today, tomorrow, just because the thought of sanity negates the act of insanity... Thoughts... and funny enough, I'm still thinking!

Hear my voice... I'm speaking out loud.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Joy Comes in the Morning...

Joy comes in the morning... this statement rings so true. Only in the morning would I be able to laugh about a woman who decided to sit next to me on the bus and her fragrance wreaked of cat and Spanish food. WOW Joy really does come in the morning....

As I laughed and got off to the start of my day, I turned up the volume, jamming to Lil' Weezy. Great energy, good spirits and a cool easy going mood. Today will be a good day!

Wishing you a good day as well (*_*) Time to get to work! Ttys...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Night Vision...

As I close my eyes and dream of dreaming... I realize that tomorrow is a new day. A fresh start. I can look @ the world through a new lens. My life has just begun!

So as I lay I smile at the newness of tomorrow and bask in the joy, the quiet echo of tonite. The most peaceful times of the day has all to do with my eyes. The process of opening and closing... Simplistic power of the infant-like act.

I'd give anything to bring such peace to my life entirely. As I smile, I recognize the power in opening and closing, laying and rising... My eyes, my mind, my ♥ and my soul. Good nite to U! We shall meet again in the a.m.

Monday, June 23, 2008

As the World Turns...

I ask, where am I? Where should i go? Undecided on what directions to choose, which way to look... I sit still for a while to figure out this life (I identify as mine). I use MINE, but with all the choices, I find myself confined to doing what I have to do, so I can do what I'd like to do. Is that enough to label my life as that which belongs to others?

Well not really. I can do all I want to do, if willing to sacrifice and deal with the consequence of MY decisions. This circle of life is interesting. As U get to where U thought you wanted to be, the excitement of it all is released. And by the end of the month, things seem so systematic, mundane, repetitive, again. Is it me? Is it the spirit of an explorer that calls for so much more in life? Many are happy just where they are. Me... I'm happy by nature, but those unspoken things in life that makes my heart tick have fallen by the waist side.

I dream to live life with passion. To live life with a purpose. To explore & discover the true me. Live life in laughter. Everyday is a new day, so as I rise tomorrow I shall conquer the mission of the day. A new day! A day to be viewed differently than yesterday. A daily mission. Does this make me a missionary? Well call it what U want, I am out to discover. In the circle/cycle that seems so systematic, if I can get my mind to evolve from familiarity, I shall be in a better place today, tomorrow and forever.

Live in adventure. There's only one live to live. The only variable equal across the board is how U choose to live it! Live life in love and laughter.

Puttie is back!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Baby Steps

The year is young, yet the transition is already in play. 08' has come! Month 2 already and as I raise my head to see what life, MY LIFE is like, I notice significant progress. Some1 whispered, "Baby steps." That's the best approach to getting started! With big dreams and spectacular ideas... things extending beyond arms' reach, the idea of taking a baby step towards it all quiets the fright. All things believable are attainable and the first step is your start to a new beginning.
So the telescopic lens I've used in the past, I've traded it in for a piece of equipment that zooms out on the big picture, captures the sight and focuses on the day to day journey to reach my peak. This brings joy to the present and optimism to the future.
I thank U all that have walked with me on my journey of life. I live, learn, love and of course laugh! Life's good...

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

As the world turns...

As the world turns, I'm left standing still. The moment of stillness can be just a moment... or it can be a lifetime! In that moment I pause, practicing my yoga breathing technique. I'm trying to find balance. There's a desire to gain site again. I've been operating as a blind man. Able to see, but lacking the ability to see beyond today. So I sit in a moment of stillness searching, hoping, reaching for an answer... I'm listening to the universe and its higher power. Give me the strength to get back in motion.
At last! I'm back! With avengence! It's been a long time coming. No1 said it'll be easy, but today I lay the first brick. It's a start to an unthinkable finish. World... prepare yourself. A change has come!!! Have a lovely one...

Friday, January 18, 2008


Just as soon as U think U've made it thru the worse part of your day... Hit with another bomb. A feeling of being overwhelmed. Just wanting the day to end. I wish I had a "U" to cuddle with, so I could feel safe in my world. It's like the dark tunnel has stretched longer & it's becoming more difficult to see the light at the end. I'm quite the optimist. The brighter angle of the picture holds me captive. Yet, on a day like today, the sun isn't shining. Plans have gone astray. As the world turns... I somehow ended up in the least favored position.


Friday, January 11, 2008

Don't Wake Me! I'm Dreaming...

The nite U don't quite anticipate... U bump into an strange yet familiar face. In a land U once visited. An area one use to frequent. 10 steps behind, catching up and catching my breath, yet i still feel well connected. The chain of events varying between small arguments, laughter, endless jokes and informative conversations. I guess U can say i have a thirst for knowledge. I want to know more, I want more! More of U! U give me a lot, so y continuously hold my hand out? The mystery in this encounter is one I'm quite fond of. I proceed with intense emotion and our connection has no specified meaning. We have no title. There are no set rules b/c there's no comparison to what we know. So we blow in the wind, eat from the same plate (well not really), talk, talk, talk, laugh, laugh, laugh and spend all our free time in the company of one another. Can i get enough? Will the consumption of HE, eventually be too much for him or me? Right now I go hands free and just ride the wave. Well here's what the encounters consist of.

Meeting after work for a bite. A few hours turn into more than 12. We walk the city streets. All of a sudden the brisk winter nite evolves into a favored romantic comedy. The pace of street walkers catch the eye. It's like they're passing but I visualize every1 under false pretence. I see you, but I feel him! That feeling has taken me to new heights. I'm blissfully in a trance. Bring me back! I've always been a dreamy gal, so it's OK... DON'T WAKE ME I'M DREAMING! No1 can see what i see nor feel what i feel. I think mystery and misunderstanding creates some of the best connections. My God has all the answers! His simplistic treasures/pleasures, are meant to be disguised, take u by surprise, leaving a look of confusion on one's face.

I've learned to take the gifts as they come. No need to try repackaging his perfect treats. In doing so, U may receive your first kiss. Oooopsie... did I just spill the beans?!?!?!?

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Foreign lands travelled...

One lovely Saturday morning... No responsibilities! No obligations! Today is about ME! Who said it's selfish to indulge in ME and ME only today? Well selfish for the selfless is what I'll call today. See... I'm not here to boast about the great person I am. (Although I am a great person! LOL) But here's the thing, I'm searching for an understanding. How does one word, dictate how you'll deal with the person U claim to love. We are all angered by things in life, but how we choose to deal with such love, (ooops I meant to say anger), is what dictates how you'll deal with it all. The way you love me is the way you'll hate me. How fast U love me, will influence how fast you'll hate me. OMG I feel different today. Different about life. I've gained clarity on my own. I've released all emotions and for right now I'm ok. I get that it's not all about me, but today it is. And I realize that none of the human species lives in or with perfection. But what I have realized, love is that infectious bug that sees imperfection as nothing less than perfection. They say to let em go and he'll come back. It'll be nice to have U, but in ur absence I will survive. The sweet, sometimes soft spoken socialite has a hell of a back bone. I may hold back to spare the heart some pain, but this time I let go. I gave all! Mushy, corny, embarrassing, humiliating, dangerous, questioned amongst many... I wore my heart on my sleeve. They say U don't live till u've loved. Well I got a recent snippet of what it feels like to let your heart live. Today I feel more alive than I have in some time. I mean, I've been smiling since our first sober conversation. And I still smile. Memories last a lifetime. I remember the good, grow beyond the bad and keep looking ahead. Anything worth wild will have a great risk factor. Well what's life without risk?

OH MY... How can I forget? I just had a conversation about acknowledging how one operates with all and to think this person will not deal with U the same way. Silly me! Dismiss all things that anger U with abandonment. Hmmm... SO I'm not special??? Well to him I'm not b/c bottom line... I'm f*ckin special!!! And this is y today is about ME. Outside worlds cannot dictate that of your own. Deal with feelings and keep moving. Productivity is in the air. A day with the girls. Oh... and let me scour old phones for that number. It's a good time to get a proper fix! hahaha

Til next time... Carpe Diem!