Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Ploy of Boy Joy

Typically, I close my eyes with a hundred and one thoughts in my head. I rise in the morning with a hundred and one emotions in my bed. I ride with a hundred and one matters of the heart. This is how my everyday starts. No matter the mood - happy or sad. No matter the energy - dead or alive. My waking thoughts cloud my mind, fill my heart, setting the tone for a journey I'll later embark.

Today, I'm oh-so-emotional! I rose with many different feelings. A sensitivity for feelings. And on today, I chose to express them in this way. Rather than outsource for the object of affection, why not be affection itself? Today I choose to be in love with me. I choose to be fascinated, stimulated, adored, loved and held by ME. For the absence of another no longer has such control. The presence of another was once a dreamy desire, but has now turned old...

The excitement of love has its hold over me.  But what I once was I can no longer be! The young woman awaiting happiness and joy... The woman who once thought completion of self had something to do with a boy.

Janette Clark