Just as soon as U think U've made it thru the worse part of your day... Hit with another bomb. A feeling of being overwhelmed. Just wanting the day to end. I wish I had a "U" to cuddle with, so I could feel safe in my world. It's like the dark tunnel has stretched longer & it's becoming more difficult to see the light at the end. I'm quite the optimist. The brighter angle of the picture holds me captive. Yet, on a day like today, the sun isn't shining. Plans have gone astray. As the world turns... I somehow ended up in the least favored position.
WHEN WILL TODAY END???
Friday, January 11, 2008
The nite U don't quite anticipate... U bump into an strange yet familiar face. In a land U once visited. An area one use to frequent. 10 steps behind, catching up and catching my breath, yet i still feel well connected. The chain of events varying between small arguments, laughter, endless jokes and informative conversations. I guess U can say i have a thirst for knowledge. I want to know more, I want more! More of U! U give me a lot, so y continuously hold my hand out? The mystery in this encounter is one I'm quite fond of. I proceed with intense emotion and our connection has no specified meaning. We have no title. There are no set rules b/c there's no comparison to what we know. So we blow in the wind, eat from the same plate (well not really), talk, talk, talk, laugh, laugh, laugh and spend all our free time in the company of one another. Can i get enough? Will the consumption of HE, eventually be too much for him or me? Right now I go hands free and just ride the wave. Well here's what the encounters consist of.
Meeting after work for a bite. A few hours turn into more than 12. We walk the city streets. All of a sudden the brisk winter nite evolves into a favored romantic comedy. The pace of street walkers catch the eye. It's like they're passing but I visualize every1 under false pretence. I see you, but I feel him! That feeling has taken me to new heights. I'm blissfully in a trance. Bring me back! I've always been a dreamy gal, so it's OK... DON'T WAKE ME I'M DREAMING! No1 can see what i see nor feel what i feel. I think mystery and misunderstanding creates some of the best connections. My God has all the answers! His simplistic treasures/pleasures, are meant to be disguised, take u by surprise, leaving a look of confusion on one's face.
I've learned to take the gifts as they come. No need to try repackaging his perfect treats. In doing so, U may receive your first kiss. Oooopsie... did I just spill the beans?!?!?!?
Saturday, January 5, 2008
One lovely Saturday morning... No responsibilities! No obligations! Today is about ME! Who said it's selfish to indulge in ME and ME only today? Well selfish for the selfless is what I'll call today. See... I'm not here to boast about the great person I am. (Although I am a great person! LOL) But here's the thing, I'm searching for an understanding. How does one word, dictate how you'll deal with the person U claim to love. We are all angered by things in life, but how we choose to deal with such love, (ooops I meant to say anger), is what dictates how you'll deal with it all. The way you love me is the way you'll hate me. How fast U love me, will influence how fast you'll hate me. OMG I feel different today. Different about life. I've gained clarity on my own. I've released all emotions and for right now I'm ok. I get that it's not all about me, but today it is. And I realize that none of the human species lives in or with perfection. But what I have realized, love is that infectious bug that sees imperfection as nothing less than perfection. They say to let em go and he'll come back. It'll be nice to have U, but in ur absence I will survive. The sweet, sometimes soft spoken socialite has a hell of a back bone. I may hold back to spare the heart some pain, but this time I let go. I gave all! Mushy, corny, embarrassing, humiliating, dangerous, questioned amongst many... I wore my heart on my sleeve. They say U don't live till u've loved. Well I got a recent snippet of what it feels like to let your heart live. Today I feel more alive than I have in some time. I mean, I've been smiling since our first sober conversation. And I still smile. Memories last a lifetime. I remember the good, grow beyond the bad and keep looking ahead. Anything worth wild will have a great risk factor. Well what's life without risk?
OH MY... How can I forget? I just had a conversation about acknowledging how one operates with all and to think this person will not deal with U the same way. Silly me! Dismiss all things that anger U with abandonment. Hmmm... SO I'm not special??? Well to him I'm not b/c bottom line... I'm f*ckin special!!! And this is y today is about ME. Outside worlds cannot dictate that of your own. Deal with feelings and keep moving. Productivity is in the air. A day with the girls. Oh... and let me scour old phones for that number. It's a good time to get a proper fix! hahaha
Til next time... Carpe Diem!