Each weekday morning rise feels like a slow death. Yet, I peel back the covers and conjure up just enough strength to tap dance on the hardwood floors. Sitting on the edge, of what sometimes feels like a ledge, I debate aborting the mission to crawl back into bed.
Acknowledging my thoughts, feelings, emotions... I can't help but wonder, who am I? This spirit is very unlike the one I've always known. However, it's one that has been present for quite some time. I used to sleep like an angel and rise like the sun. Who am I, now? I rarely get a good night's sleep and it's quite unusual to open my eyes and fully welcome the sunrise. Is this what depression feels like? Is this what a lack of fulfillment looks like? Is this what being stuck feels like? Is this what stress looks like?
While I can't quite pinpoint the exact emotion, I do know that my daytime agenda lacks curiosity. It lacks luminosity. It lacks growth, for I have come to know all I can here... But what do you do when something new hasn't arrived, (just yet)? If the money didn't support my basic needs, this moment (here) would for sure be my last. Should I take a big risk? Should I sacrifice needs for happiness? I tend to be the person who allows trouble to find me. Today I want to initiate the first day of the rest of my life.
Energy-less days have caused me to portray this corporation as a bloodsucking establishment, draining the energy out of my everyday life. Thoughts of Friday, post 5:30 are brewing at 7 a.m., Monday morning.
I love life! Is it fair to my well-being to rush through it, if only for the sake of making it through the workday? Am I robbing my soul for financial console? Can I make due with a savings come true? I have all these thoughts of what can be done, yet my independent mindset doesn't find comfort in needing anything from anyone. They say the worse thought of a wealthy man is being poor, and in a sense I get that.
So what do I do??? I think it's time to call Daddy. While the government bails out billion dollar financial institutions, I ponder who's ever there to bail out the individual. The individual that has always held her own...
Who's here for me? Especially in a time when this bloodsucking establishment is hindering one from being free. It's time to leave and just be. GOD please save ME!
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