Taking Care of Me

When I was a child, I had the luxury of Mommy saving me.  Mommy protecting me.  Mommy soothing me.  She was there no matter what.  And though Mommy's positioning hasn't changed, as an adult, I cannot responsibly collapse in her arms for every issue at hand. 

I appreciate the way I was raised.  Mom taught me to depend on no one, but her.  Mom taught me to be very self-sufficient.  Mom taught me to get on with life, gracefully.   I appreciate the woman who raised me.  It is with her backing that I feel so protected in this world, in which I live. 

But back to collapsing... Have you ever wanted to lie helplessly in another's arms and hear, "It's going to be alright."  In the midst of making a risky decision yesterday, that's all I wanted to hear!  No matter which way I went, what decision I made, which turn I took - I wanted to know it would be alright...  I guess being the responsible kid has crept into my adult life.  While I'll support others, the idea of relying on another for that sort of help just isn't in me.  

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I have no support, but what about the support needed to take some time away and figure things out?  Where's my partner?  Where's my backing?  How could one that continuously gives, experience such lacking?

While I don't feel sorry for myself, I do wonder how I got in this position where so much depends upon me... If I said forget it all, the suffering would extend beyond Puttie.  They say with great reward comes great responsibility.  I am thankful, yet sometimes I only want to consider ME.

Uncertainty Coupled with Possibility...

All in the same hour, I receive a letter of uncertainty, followed by a meeting with great possibility.  I am assuming God is up to something.  While I don't want to go out like a chump, I would like to know what's needed for me to move beyond this point.

I've tried.  I've applied.  I've done all I know how.  Feeling the direct effect of a universal issue is now seeping beneath the scar tissue.  Bridges are burning and through it all, I'm left with a feeling, yearning...

I know this is not the end of the road.  I also know that I'm not playing by the common code.  Today has been quite the day.  My temperament has been pleasantly blah.  I've come a long way, but now it feels like I have not made it far.

Uncertainty coupled with possibility...

On My Way, Today!

As you reexamine your life, one also reexamines the world around her.  Has it changed?  Have you changed?  Do you feel the need to shift?  Has the world shifted?  Did you grow?  Has your world grown?  There are tons of questions that pop up - each question being less of an inquiry and more of a feeling, an observation - you taking inventory of where you are, where you'd like to go and where you came from.

It is with these very questions that one opens her world, once again to evolve into something closer to the person you'd like to be, the life you'd like to have.  This is an opportunity for growth.  You've grown and now your head has hit the ceiling... There's no more room to expand within the same circumference.  It's time to welcome a new chapter of life.  New habits.  New behaviors.  New pastimes.  A new audience.

Being such an analytical person, I get caught up in the thought of many things.  I'd like to jump on the other side of the fence - abandoning a percentage of my thoughts, transforming ideas into action.  There are some things that need to change.  As I live out the last year of my 20s, I shall welcome 30 with comfort and delight, knowing I'm doing what it takes, giving my life it's brightest light.  I've wandered.  I've walked.  Now it's time to choose a destination, move in that direction and set the path to arrive at each place my heart has chosen. 

Discipline is needed.  Structured is warranted.  Willingness is necessary.  Sacrifice is mandatory.  Focus is everything!  I see the path before me.  Determination is a major part of who I am.  Decide where I want to go and stop at nothing to get there.  I am on my way...!

Happy Birthday to My Bestie

My best friend, my chosen family! I am wishing you a Birthday of bliss, a day of love, a week of wonder, a month of certainty, a year of fulfillment and a lifetime filled with the joys (of life) you most certainly deserve.

Of lately, I know there have been some forks in the road, check points you didn’t foresee... But know that God guides you with light to overcome the darkest of moments. Yes, your heart may have been tied in an undeserving place, but it is in those moments of great emotion and compassion, that we remember what it's like to feel again. All mountain tops have valleys and this is God’s genius reminder that we can/must climb again. You only feel the good because God wants you to believe in the great (to come). A broken heart heals and restores an even stronger muscle. That muscle is needed to strengthen you for the upcoming journey. Today is (undeniably) the first day of the rest of your life!

If I’ve learned nothing else from you, I’ve learned this – always reread whatever you send to this friend. LOL I love you dearly. You are one of the strongest women I know. The comments about you reminding me of my mom are a reflection of how I see you as a friend. Your loyalty is a characteristic I love and respect. In the midst of any and everything, you always have my back. And though I ask the Lord for all sorts of things… His Godsend is my best friends. I LOVE YOU!!! May your 31st year of life be all that you’ve hoped for, all that I’ve prayed for and more! Happy Birthday Best Friend <3

The Truth of Youth

Is it safe to say that greatness is not only an innate ability, but the possibility that this being has had a number of impactful experiences, nourishing their progression along the way?  I think this accusation is quite credible!

Let's take a look at the child who appears to "catch on" a bit earlier than the rest.  This child receives attention, reinforcement and the best of the best to maximize his/her potential.  But what about the kid that's just ordinary... Does this kid get any special attention in areas of weakness or interest?  The answer to this question is NO.  And this is where the stories of success, the lives of the extraordinary, the images of heroes and heroines are misunderstood.

While I will not take anything away from any being, as far as talent is concerned, I do believe that the back story has been overlooked.  The grooming process of the star, the genius, the overachiever, the scholar, the star athlete - is one that's incomparable to their ordinary peers.  So what exactly sets them apart?  Or, are they like each and every one of us, but the small gestures early-on has made a big difference later-on? 

I am currently reading Outliers and the competitive advantages given are quite shocking.  I never looked at it this way, but there is something to be said about the stages of our lives and how impactful the experiences of yesterday, are today. 

There's great power in possibility!  Don't give up on anyone.  With the proper attention, something special can be revealed in each and every one of us.  The grooming of youth becomes your truth.  Help those behind you reach their highest potential, from the very beginning. 

Dimming Your Rise, Hardens Your Fall

I remember mornings where I rose with excitement.  While joy still lives in my heart, the idea of getting through the day sometimes exceeds it's 15 minute emotional stay.  They say emotions pass after 15 minutes, but it is the constant thought that allows feelings to linger. 

In an effort to show my thanks, I'm guessing I've done quite the opposite.  Though I put my best foot forward in the work I produce, the timing is off... And I know the very thing that has disrupted the flow of life.

Now I'm reevaluating how long I'll rent space to these forever changing, forever passing, forever evolving emotions.  Why stay with one thought, when that thought has the power to dim your rise and harden your fall?

Highs & Lows

I often come down off highs, reaching my unthinkable low.  It goes from flashing lights to dark visions. It opens my heart, yet the disconnect once the dust settles is a bit disheartening... 

At what point in my life will I fully grow up and detach from the childish antics I've experienced over the course of my life.  When will the fights turn into feasts?  When will I fully relinquish what I've known, to explore what is awaiting me in the throws?