Taken High, Dropped Low...

Excitement! Having it is evidence of one living. You should have zest. You should have zeal. You should be excited about life and the feeling should be real. But what about disappointment?

I often get my hopes up with the presence of a new, strong, take my breath away kind of being. It's the one that's most intriguing who catches my eye. It's the un-thought-of chemistry that ruffles my feathers. It's the potential me that I'm excited to see!

And that typically goes well. We usually have a grand ole time. Captured by who he is and he's intoxicated by me. As the emotion grows, the intensity of something we share becomes frightening. While I look to the right, gazing, thinking of what our lives of passion could be , he's looking left, opting to take the simple path. One where his emotions are under control. Something with a person who doesn't enliven his soul.

I do understand the demand to be in charge. However, the thought of what we were and an idea towards the future, it would be love at large. Alright, no "what ifs" falling from my mouth. What we are and what we were have completely gone south. I'm not heartbroken, my life hasn't crumbled. BUT the next encounter I must mask my excitement and the mention of his name will get no more than a mumble.

I can no longer be taken high to be dropped low...

The Vow of Now

Female intuition is our bodily compass to what's right, what's wrong, what's happening, what's going on. And though we'd like to ignore that wrenching gut feeling at times, it is that same feeling that kicks in to open our eyes, turn us in another direction and stop us dead in our tracks. It's simply a feeling that enters the body to give one insight on the shortcomings of visual sight.

It operates as part of our senses.  We see.  We touch. We taste. We hear. We feel.  It is the presence of one sense that displays what's real.  I advise you not to fight such a natural feeling.  Given it's lack of jaded appeal, I believe there's truth in what it reveals.

While I sit with this gut feeling of mine... I wonder if it's the short span of space that makes me feel as if all isn't fine.  I trust his word.  I believe in his honesty.  I adore his openness.  I also acknowledge the absence of vows, BUT my prayer to God states: I hope he isn't taking for granted, what we have right now!

The Ploy of Boy Joy

Typically, I close my eyes with a hundred and one thoughts in my head. I rise in the morning with a hundred and one emotions in my bed. I ride with a hundred and one matters of the heart. This is how my everyday starts. No matter the mood - happy or sad. No matter the energy - dead or alive. My waking thoughts cloud my mind, fill my heart, setting the tone for a journey I'll later embark.

Today, I'm oh-so-emotional! I rose with many different feelings. A sensitivity for feelings. And on today, I chose to express them in this way. Rather than outsource for the object of affection, why not be affection itself? Today I choose to be in love with me. I choose to be fascinated, stimulated, adored, loved and held by ME. For the absence of another no longer has such control. The presence of another was once a dreamy desire, but has now turned old...

The excitement of love has its hold over me.  But what I once was I can no longer be! The young woman awaiting happiness and joy... The woman who once thought completion of self had something to do with a boy.

Janette Clark

24

So much can transpire in 24. It's a great span of time delivering just enough and a little less than expected.  And whether you ended in completion or in continuation, you've made yet another mark. Reached another milestone. Was blessed with yet another day.  You were granted the power to do what you did today, tomorrow.  

Topic of Conversation... L.O.V.E.

A woman survives a vicious attack and in the office of her therapist the conversation is about love.  A man is filled with lots of rage and in the office of his therapist he brings up the nature of love.  A student deemed armed and dangerous, takes out an entire class and in the psychiatrist's office, he/she falls upon the topic of love. 

No matter what you are, who you are or where you are, the most dominant factor of your existence revolves around love.  The love of others, the feeling of being loved, the abundance of love or lack thereof.  Given all the differences in human existence, the one constant is our desire to be loved...  In all actuality, man wants nothing more and nothing less. 

Find it in your heart to show a person how much they're loved today.  It isn't always about receiving, but the act of showing has power to bring about the energy of love - 10 fold!  I love you today, and always <3

Janette Clark

Late Night Fight

With age comes wisdom.  With wisdom comes thoughts.  With thoughts comes questions.  With questions comes discovery.  This remains true for many things in life, yet when it comes to man, I can't seem to get outside of my high school thoughts.

There was a time I had different feelings.  A time when I saw the picket fence.  A time when the vision was great wisdom.  Now I feel as if I'm starting over.  Going backwards, with hopes of rekindling my child-like thoughts on relationships.  Companionship.  I want to see the rainbow at the end of the slippery slope.  The sun shining after the storm.  Love in relationship becoming my norm...

UGH These late night fights are tough, especially when I'm battling my own thoughts. 

The Friendly Fight

Of lately, my friend experience has had its ups and downs... While I'm very aware that there are peaks and valleys in any relationship, including the relationship with self, I am on the fence about the constant battles in my life.  There's always something said, something done, menial battles that can't be won! 

What do I do?  Do I give up?  Do I keep fighting?  Do I allow the pieces to fall as they may, conjoining to their original state one day?  Or do I learn to deal with my emotions solemnly and stay? 

These seem to be the questions I consciously and unconsciously ponder. When I love a person, them being in pain and/or inflicting pain makes me wonder... What's worth fighting for?  When is it safe to give up?  With the knowledge and experience of being in all sorts of relationships, I know there will be times that suck...

That said, I'll chalk this up as a time to reflect.  Not bring in another for opinion purposes and to evaluate respect.  In my heart of hearts I know my intent isn't maliciously powered... But something about these last few months makes me want to take flight.  After all, our goal in life is happiness and that should never be a constant fight.

Sincerely,
Your Loyal Friend...