The Ploy of Boy Joy

Typically, I close my eyes with a hundred and one thoughts in my head. I rise in the morning with a hundred and one emotions in my bed. I ride with a hundred and one matters of the heart. This is how my everyday starts. No matter the mood - happy or sad. No matter the energy - dead or alive. My waking thoughts cloud my mind, fill my heart, setting the tone for a journey I'll later embark.

Today, I'm oh-so-emotional! I rose with many different feelings. A sensitivity for feelings. And on today, I chose to express them in this way. Rather than outsource for the object of affection, why not be affection itself? Today I choose to be in love with me. I choose to be fascinated, stimulated, adored, loved and held by ME. For the absence of another no longer has such control. The presence of another was once a dreamy desire, but has now turned old...

The excitement of love has its hold over me.  But what I once was I can no longer be! The young woman awaiting happiness and joy... The woman who once thought completion of self had something to do with a boy.

Janette Clark

24

So much can transpire in 24. It's a great span of time delivering just enough and a little less than expected.  And whether you ended in completion or in continuation, you've made yet another mark. Reached another milestone. Was blessed with yet another day.  You were granted the power to do what you did today, tomorrow.  

Topic of Conversation... L.O.V.E.

A woman survives a vicious attack and in the office of her therapist the conversation is about love.  A man is filled with lots of rage and in the office of his therapist he brings up the nature of love.  A student deemed armed and dangerous, takes out an entire class and in the psychiatrist's office, he/she falls upon the topic of love. 

No matter what you are, who you are or where you are, the most dominant factor of your existence revolves around love.  The love of others, the feeling of being loved, the abundance of love or lack thereof.  Given all the differences in human existence, the one constant is our desire to be loved...  In all actuality, man wants nothing more and nothing less. 

Find it in your heart to show a person how much they're loved today.  It isn't always about receiving, but the act of showing has power to bring about the energy of love - 10 fold!  I love you today, and always <3

Janette Clark

Late Night Fight

With age comes wisdom.  With wisdom comes thoughts.  With thoughts comes questions.  With questions comes discovery.  This remains true for many things in life, yet when it comes to man, I can't seem to get outside of my high school thoughts.

There was a time I had different feelings.  A time when I saw the picket fence.  A time when the vision was great wisdom.  Now I feel as if I'm starting over.  Going backwards, with hopes of rekindling my child-like thoughts on relationships.  Companionship.  I want to see the rainbow at the end of the slippery slope.  The sun shining after the storm.  Love in relationship becoming my norm...

UGH These late night fights are tough, especially when I'm battling my own thoughts. 

The Friendly Fight

Of lately, my friend experience has had its ups and downs... While I'm very aware that there are peaks and valleys in any relationship, including the relationship with self, I am on the fence about the constant battles in my life.  There's always something said, something done, menial battles that can't be won! 

What do I do?  Do I give up?  Do I keep fighting?  Do I allow the pieces to fall as they may, conjoining to their original state one day?  Or do I learn to deal with my emotions solemnly and stay? 

These seem to be the questions I consciously and unconsciously ponder. When I love a person, them being in pain and/or inflicting pain makes me wonder... What's worth fighting for?  When is it safe to give up?  With the knowledge and experience of being in all sorts of relationships, I know there will be times that suck...

That said, I'll chalk this up as a time to reflect.  Not bring in another for opinion purposes and to evaluate respect.  In my heart of hearts I know my intent isn't maliciously powered... But something about these last few months makes me want to take flight.  After all, our goal in life is happiness and that should never be a constant fight.

Sincerely,
Your Loyal Friend...

 

A.M. Thoughts...

Rising to a vibration, an alert, my roomie/alarm clock has just sounded. I snap out of the dream and forcefully open my eyes to a bbm mssg advising I get up. Oh sh*t! It's 8:07 am. An hour late already. I attempt to panic, but there's a sense of calm that has taken over me. Let's say I still feel like I'm on vaca (smile!).

Ok, so I'm aware of why I may have overslept. Perhaps its the 10 hour workday I endured. Or the late nite smoke. Or simply the presence of that man I'm so very fond of. Ahhh... We'll go with the latter and consider the others as icing on the cake.

Now back to this man... Apparently I was in deep thought before, during and after his visit. While sleeping I remember a vision, a presence of his being. Not sure of the dynamics, but somehow he met me in my dreams - I didn't want to wake. But thanks to worldly contribution & responsibility, dreamy thoughts were interrupted.

So this man, I'm not sure what draws me to him. It's as if this unspoken power lying in him, speaks to me. It not only speaks, it whistles, it yells, it pulls me toward... With thoughts of being the best Me I can be, I hold back. From his soft hands, to gentle kiss. The embracing hug, making me feel so safe in your arms. Wow, I dream of having such attraction, such a feeling, such a joy, in the presence of a man of my own. For He that I've dreamt of isn't mine and will not be... However, at the moment, all I can think of is life with him & me. I ♡ him... I really do!

Of My Own...

*At times I sit and reminisce... Thoughts of past time love. Past time joy. Past time companionship. I try not to get lost in the past, as you will miss out on the present. I try not to focus so much on the future, as you will not enjoy the delights of today.

*However, today, and it's been a while... I feel as if I have hugs and kisses to share, but no one near to care. To receive. To reciprocate. To appreciate.

*As my soft lips and warm hugs are silenced, I try to put a positive spin on it all. WHEN that special someone becomes a part of my life, there will be love of the past and present - built up inside my soul and at that point, I shall give of myself wholeheartedly.

*Are you ready my love? Because I am!