Highs & Lows

I often come down off highs, reaching my unthinkable low.  It goes from flashing lights to dark visions. It opens my heart, yet the disconnect once the dust settles is a bit disheartening... 

At what point in my life will I fully grow up and detach from the childish antics I've experienced over the course of my life.  When will the fights turn into feasts?  When will I fully relinquish what I've known, to explore what is awaiting me in the throws?

An Attitude of Solitude

I wonder what kind of person I am... Do I judge others?  Do I throw things in people's face?  Do I save what was done today, to bring up tomorrow? 

I feel like I'm a reasonable ear, yet there are few willing to listen.  The mention of anything is a complaint.  The discussion of other topics is an obsession.  I have problems, so I'm told... BUT don't we all! 

I don't think I've felt more alone in my life.  To end such a feeling, I vow to be my own best friend.  I vow to take it easy on myself.  I vow to work on the things that do not work.  I don't need to make a public service announcement.  I will act and execute, silently.

All of a sudden, today, my life has changed.  A sweet quiet life - that's what I now prefer, at least for this period in my life.  I feel like I'm going through a rough patch and while there are many I've lent a shoulder, I feel like I can barely get the stretch of a hand. 

This isn't a pity party.  Life goes on. Currently, moving along, a lot differently! 

Live Life, Purposefully!

It'd be a lie to say I had it altogether.  As if my life is exactly how I imagined.  It'd be a lie to say I am not blessed beyond measure.  As if my life hasn't been full of pleasantries and treasure.  I am thankful for the life that I have and the desire, will and determination to discover this purpose that's bigger than thy self.

As I turn back the covers and cozy into tonight's assignment, I can't deny the new sense of hope that has come over me.  There is a person, there are people who believe in me.  There are people that see greatness. There are people willing to lend a helping hand to get me where I need to go.  Yet, in the midst of the highs, indeed I hit a major low today.

As the morning doesn't have power to dictate the night, I will sign off from consciousness with the notion that I'm tapping into something bigger than me.  It's the me that I often don't physically see.  Tonight I'm willing to open my eyes and ignite my heart.  If one feels lost, go back to basics and get a new start. 

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I want to spend it with you.  You being ME!  Welcome the person I was designed to be.

THANK YOU EBONNI!!!

You Are Your Feelings

When we feel alone, we are alone.  I never knew the power of thoughts like I do on this very day.  Nothing about my life has changed, other than my desire to act in love.  That love has ignited fires in the hearts of those around me and today I've experienced an out pour of what I've allowed to seep into the atmosphere. 

From Facebook messages to tweets, friends chose today to share their love and affection.  While we often know this love exists, to actually feel it internally, you're opening up to a world of possibilities.  The moments wasted on the bad can be downsized to breathe life into the good. 

A single thought can change your day.  Open your heart and allow love to stay.  You are your feelings...!  

Credentials Matter...!

Credentials matter!  But what if you didn't attend the best school?  What if you don't work for the best company?  What if you don't have the best title?  What if you are the best, without the best credentials to match?

I ask these questions as I sit in an ongoing debate about what's next... What step should I take to further my career?  My life?  I'm currently visiting mediocrity.  Yet, the thought of not knowing exactly what to choose, has left me standing where I am today.

I have no desire to give up.  Yet I dream of giving up all I have to gain all I am.  New York City, the melting pot, now feels like the temps are boiling at an all time high and I'm stuck to the side of the cookware.  I'm in and out of the mix.  I'm here with prayers of being far away.  I'm near, but far.  I'm driving without direction, nor a car.

Something new, please come true.  I cannot imagine feeling what I feel beyond this year. A new space, expanded life and a promising career.  God if this were my only way of communication, would you please accept this as my prayer?  Talk to me!

One Love. One Life. You Won't Get it Twice!

At some point we must all take credit for where we are and why we are.  It is no longer OK to just say, well this is the way I am or these are the circumstances because of X, Y, Z.  I say this as I sit in the chair that has held my weight for 3+ years...

Clearly, I've overstayed my welcome.  I've worn out my guest pass.  I've gone too far and have fallen too short.  Happiness has fled.  I'm living, yet I'm dead...

So what do you do when enough is enough?  Is there a dollar amount that should keep you where you are, even if you know you've gone too far?  Should you succumb to egotistical and societal demands? 

I say get up and get out.  Start something new.  Do what you want to do!  The time is now, even if you're unsure how.  Get out and get a hold on your life - there's only one to live! 

Love More, Care Less

I think I read the most helpful article on my way in this morning.  Though the title of the article has escaped my mind, the content lingers and it's message rings true - to love more, care less.  This is something I think many people will benefit from following, yet caring is how humans are taught to express and/or reveal the depth of their love. 

From my understanding, I thought caring was an element of love, but truth is - the more you care, the less you are able to love.  Ideally, one isn't going in with such intentions, however that does very little to confirm the reality of it all.  Relationships with family, close friends and mates, typically exist on the foundation of unconditional love.  The constant care, expectations of a certain outcome and the desire to change a person, inherently changes the way you love.  Unconditional becomes conditional.

So I say to you, if you can love more and care less, is it worth caring more and loving less?  We all have concerns of others, especially the ones we love, but the burden that caring plays on both parties can sometimes cause more harm than help.

Today is the first day I'll exercise my human right to preserve my sanity - I care less, I love more!  Thanks O, The Oprah Magazine, for an insightful write-up.  With you, I'm simply one read away from shifting my thinking, broadening my knowledge and expanding my thoughts. 

Loving You More...
VJ