As the World Turns...

I ask, where am I? Where should i go? Undecided on what directions to choose, which way to look... I sit still for a while to figure out this life (I identify as mine). I use MINE, but with all the choices, I find myself confined to doing what I have to do, so I can do what I'd like to do. Is that enough to label my life as that which belongs to others?

Well not really. I can do all I want to do, if willing to sacrifice and deal with the consequence of MY decisions. This circle of life is interesting. As U get to where U thought you wanted to be, the excitement of it all is released. And by the end of the month, things seem so systematic, mundane, repetitive, again. Is it me? Is it the spirit of an explorer that calls for so much more in life? Many are happy just where they are. Me... I'm happy by nature, but those unspoken things in life that makes my heart tick have fallen by the waist side.

I dream to live life with passion. To live life with a purpose. To explore & discover the true me. Live life in laughter. Everyday is a new day, so as I rise tomorrow I shall conquer the mission of the day. A new day! A day to be viewed differently than yesterday. A daily mission. Does this make me a missionary? Well call it what U want, I am out to discover. In the circle/cycle that seems so systematic, if I can get my mind to evolve from familiarity, I shall be in a better place today, tomorrow and forever.

Live in adventure. There's only one live to live. The only variable equal across the board is how U choose to live it! Live life in love and laughter.

Puttie is back!

Baby Steps

The year is young, yet the transition is already in play. 08' has come! Month 2 already and as I raise my head to see what life, MY LIFE is like, I notice significant progress. Some1 whispered, "Baby steps." That's the best approach to getting started! With big dreams and spectacular ideas... things extending beyond arms' reach, the idea of taking a baby step towards it all quiets the fright. All things believable are attainable and the first step is your start to a new beginning.

So the telescopic lens I've used in the past, I've traded it in for a piece of equipment that zooms out on the big picture, captures the sight and focuses on the day to day journey to reach my peak. This brings joy to the present and optimism to the future.

I thank U all that have walked with me on my journey of life. I live, learn, love and of course laugh! Life's good...

As the world turns...

As the world turns, I'm left standing still. The moment of stillness can be just a moment... or it can be a lifetime! In that moment I pause, practicing my yoga breathing technique. I'm trying to find balance. There's a desire to gain site again. I've been operating as a blind man. Able to see, but lacking the ability to see beyond today. So I sit in a moment of stillness searching, hoping, reaching for an answer... I'm listening to the universe and its higher power. Give me the strength to get back in motion.

At last! I'm back! With avengence! It's been a long time coming. No1 said it'll be easy, but today I lay the first brick. It's a start to an unthinkable finish. World... prepare yourself. A change has come!!! Have a lovely one...

WHEN WILL TODAY END???

Just as soon as U think U've made it thru the worse part of your day... Hit with another bomb. A feeling of being overwhelmed. Just wanting the day to end. I wish I had a "U" to cuddle with, so I could feel safe in my world. It's like the dark tunnel has stretched longer & it's becoming more difficult to see the light at the end. I'm quite the optimist. The brighter angle of the picture holds me captive. Yet, on a day like today, the sun isn't shining. Plans have gone astray. As the world turns... I somehow ended up in the least favored position.

WHEN WILL TODAY END???

Don't Wake Me! I'm Dreaming...

The nite U don't quite anticipate... U bump into an strange yet familiar face. In a land U once visited. An area one use to frequent. 10 steps behind, catching up and catching my breath, yet i still feel well connected. The chain of events varying between small arguments, laughter, endless jokes and informative conversations. I guess U can say i have a thirst for knowledge. I want to know more, I want more! More of U! U give me a lot, so y continuously hold my hand out? The mystery in this encounter is one I'm quite fond of. I proceed with intense emotion and our connection has no specified meaning. We have no title. There are no set rules b/c there's no comparison to what we know. So we blow in the wind, eat from the same plate (well not really), talk, talk, talk, laugh, laugh, laugh and spend all our free time in the company of one another. Can i get enough? Will the consumption of HE, eventually be too much for him or me? Right now I go hands free and just ride the wave. Well here's what the encounters consist of.

Meeting after work for a bite. A few hours turn into more than 12. We walk the city streets. All of a sudden the brisk winter nite evolves into a favored romantic comedy. The pace of street walkers catch the eye. It's like they're passing but I visualize every1 under false pretence. I see you, but I feel him! That feeling has taken me to new heights. I'm blissfully in a trance. Bring me back! I've always been a dreamy gal, so it's OK... DON'T WAKE ME I'M DREAMING! No1 can see what i see nor feel what i feel. I think mystery and misunderstanding creates some of the best connections. My God has all the answers! His simplistic treasures/pleasures, are meant to be disguised, take u by surprise, leaving a look of confusion on one's face.

I've learned to take the gifts as they come. No need to try repackaging his perfect treats. In doing so, U may receive your first kiss. Oooopsie... did I just spill the beans?!?!?!?

Foreign lands travelled...

One lovely Saturday morning... No responsibilities! No obligations! Today is about ME! Who said it's selfish to indulge in ME and ME only today? Well selfish for the selfless is what I'll call today. See... I'm not here to boast about the great person I am. (Although I am a great person! LOL) But here's the thing, I'm searching for an understanding. How does one word, dictate how you'll deal with the person U claim to love. We are all angered by things in life, but how we choose to deal with such love, (ooops I meant to say anger), is what dictates how you'll deal with it all. The way you love me is the way you'll hate me. How fast U love me, will influence how fast you'll hate me. OMG I feel different today. Different about life. I've gained clarity on my own. I've released all emotions and for right now I'm ok. I get that it's not all about me, but today it is. And I realize that none of the human species lives in or with perfection. But what I have realized, love is that infectious bug that sees imperfection as nothing less than perfection. They say to let em go and he'll come back. It'll be nice to have U, but in ur absence I will survive. The sweet, sometimes soft spoken socialite has a hell of a back bone. I may hold back to spare the heart some pain, but this time I let go. I gave all! Mushy, corny, embarrassing, humiliating, dangerous, questioned amongst many... I wore my heart on my sleeve. They say U don't live till u've loved. Well I got a recent snippet of what it feels like to let your heart live. Today I feel more alive than I have in some time. I mean, I've been smiling since our first sober conversation. And I still smile. Memories last a lifetime. I remember the good, grow beyond the bad and keep looking ahead. Anything worth wild will have a great risk factor. Well what's life without risk?

OH MY... How can I forget? I just had a conversation about acknowledging how one operates with all and to think this person will not deal with U the same way. Silly me! Dismiss all things that anger U with abandonment. Hmmm... SO I'm not special??? Well to him I'm not b/c bottom line... I'm f*ckin special!!! And this is y today is about ME. Outside worlds cannot dictate that of your own. Deal with feelings and keep moving. Productivity is in the air. A day with the girls. Oh... and let me scour old phones for that number. It's a good time to get a proper fix! hahaha

Til next time... Carpe Diem!

Laughter

Monday nite of laughter! Recovering from Sunday nite partying... sleep was way overdue by the time I crossed my front door. Exhaustion was in the air. After napping for 2 hrs, I was awaken by the arrival of my BFF. We sat up and talked for a while, then my phone rang. Who would of known! This returned call turned into hours of babbling. Starting out with a detailed description of exactly what dating meant in different cultures. Small topic, big laughs and a long nite!!!

BFF stayed in the convo til 4 am and the convo continued til 6:15 am. How the hell will i get up for work??? I did it! One more late nite... Although it took place in my home with the absence of alcohol. I wonder what drove me to talk for so long. Is it like, interest, love, fate??? I don't know if I can answer the question. A friendship has begun! Developing thru way of berry messenger. A love connection, perhaps! Or is it just two souls, awaiting the arrival for an enlightening connection. So different, yet mesh very well. The convos are endless! Empowering! Brings out the girlie girl in me! But what do I want from this? For now I'll take it as a friendship that's so meant to be. But sometimes I wonder where we'll go from here... One day at a time. My Romeo is not what I expected, should I be Juliet... I'm not what he expected! So all we can do is take what the day brings and leave an open window for the unexpected...

6 hours on the damn phone! WTF!!!